The emotions afterward our miscarriage and embryo loss were a little strange. I thought for sure our original test was negative – and we were shocked it was positive! I thought our 2nd blood test would be great – and we were so sad to get the bad news. I was confused and everything took a couple days to sink in.
Since my beta went up just a bit, they needed to do a repeat to make sure it wasn’t ectopic. I pulled a “I should know better” and began freaking out about that option… one I did not want to have to deal with. Thankfully we got the best bad news we could get and my number went down. It was officially a “chemical pregnancy.” That title sounds weird, but it just means an early miscarriage.
We were really disappointed and it was pretty heartbreaking to have to share the bad news… especially when just a couple days before we were planning how we’d share the surprisingly GOOD news. Our birthdays were about a week after and we both talked about how a pregnancy was the best birthday present ever.
However, after years of infertility, we’ve been through disappointment and bad news again and again. We’ve seen God’s grace through sanctification in that our lows aren’t as low as they used to be. We’ve learned eons about perseverance and endurance. We were able to have joy through our foundation in Christ, even though our end circumstances were anything but. AND we were able to have joy because even if for a short time – we did have our first pregnancy!!
The last couple months have been hard, good, complete roller coasters if we’re honest with ourselves:) Thankfully God is the same yesterday, today and forever. Even when we don’t know what’s next, that’s a truth we can rest on.