So – in case you haven’t been paying attention, I’ve kind of got a lot going on right now. You would think while going through a big thing that causes stress and anxiety, it would put all those little things in perspective. Don’t sweat the small stuff right?!?
I learned something about myself in college: when there is a lot of little things going on, my anxiety and stress level goes through the roof. I distinctly remember stressing to Bryan and saying “I have 3 papers to write, 2 tests to study for, a club talk, 2 meetings, a research project this and this and this and this” and him saying “what is due tomorrow?” “Ummm… a 3-5 page paper.” “Well then that’s all you need to do tonight – don’t stress about the things you have the rest of the week.”
That about sums it up. It’s so easy for me to get stressed when a few little things happen. Enter yesterday.
Had a busy day at work, but was expecting it and planned well for my visits in the morning and was off – so far, so good. On my 2nd (out of 5) home visits that day, one of my clients was just coming back from her neighbor’s house because they were supposed to clean it. The neighbor had a HUGE flea population and when my client came back she was shaking her clothes and her hair out (she was SUPER disgusted at the fleas which was kind of funny.) We went inside and started the visit – no big deal. Then she found a few fleas on her so we went back outside. I tried to stay a little bit away, but wasn’t too worried about it.
Had a no show. Went home. Had lunch and sat up in our office for an hour. Had another home visit. Had a 30 minute break so went to McDonald’s to do some paperwork. Sitting in McDonald’s, my arm started itching and I looked down.
There was definitely a flea on my arm.
AH!!! I flicked it and tried to play it cool, but I was freaking out. I shook my clothes out (and went to my last visit) then came home, threw my clothes and shoes in the laundry and took a shower. (ONE.)
We were having people over and I was only going to be home an hour or so before they were coming over. My bread machine was working hard and I had chicken marinating, but I had to make the Girl Talk Crisp (peach today) – originally from Epicurious, featured on the girltalk blog. Maybe I’ll pop it up here some day:)
So with my flea fear mostly gone, I was ready to move on. I had found these really cool wall hangers to hang my frames, etc instead of nails since we have plaster walls.
I had used them and my guys had fallen down – oops:( So I used more! You have to put them on and then wait an hour. I had added more the previous day so was going to put up this really cool picture we got from Ikea forever ago. I pushed it on the wall and BOOM!
Broken glass. (TWO.)
By now I was getting a little anxious and feeling frustrated, but behind schedule – so needed to work on the crisp. I went downstairs and hurriedly started making the crisp. As I was trying to mix up the fruit mixture I thought “this looks WAY too crumbly – whats the deal?!?” I then realized instead of the 1/4 c. of sugar and flour I was supposed to put in there, I put 1/2 c. of each. (THREE)
Three little things makes Jackie a stressed out girl. It’s so easy for me to get anxious and it is even often about really stupid things. Yes, we were having people over for dinner. (Which was a total blast and SO fun to hang out with them!!!) Did I think they weren’t going to like us if my dessert was bad? No! Is it really that big of a deal if we had to spray for fleas? No! (Because out of all the gross bugs that I could catch, they’re probably one of the best?!? I don’t know… maybe not)
I try to control my life and get stressed out when it doesn’t work out the way I had planned it to. I think often when there are big things in my life that I feel out of control (because I am) it makes me hold that much tighter to the little things that (I feel) I can control. I have been wanting to spend time glorifying God in homemaking and making a welcoming, hospitable home that will glorify Him. But that doesn’t mean it makes me a bad wife because I accidentally broke a frame! Or because I couldn’t decorate and follow through the way I wanted to!
And more than that – feeling out of control should remind me that that’s reality. I’m not in control, but I know who is. Father God, who created the heaven and earth and me and you. It should give me comfort and great joy that – praise God! – I am NOT in control and He is!
And no matter if we’re talking about little things (like worrying my autumn mantle isn’t going to look good or if my boss is going to be mad if I come to a meeting late) or big things (like fearing we’ll never have a family or dealing with the death of the dream of having kids when we want to, getting pregnant without trying, etc) I can
“Cast all [my] anxieties on Him because He cares for [me]!!” 1 Peter 5:7