Can you believe tomorrow is Thanksgiving already?!? Oh where has the year gone?!? The Christmas season will soon be here and then it will be 2012!
As Thanksgiving creeps closer it got me thinking back. This time last year, we had just completed our last unsuccessful fertility treatment. We had been on an intense roller coaster of emotion– hope when a medication worked, then devastation as we realized once again, we were not pregnant. We had been going back to back to back since June with three rounds of Femara/ IUI and two injectable cycles. I was feeling beat down, discouraged and in a really fragile state.
Remember my thankful basket? Last year I didn’t put it out. I was embarrassed to say it out loud, but I didn’t feel like there was much to be thankful for. I had put so much hope in having a family and it seemed like it was never going to happen. I was in a dark place and felt like I was always going to be sad, always going to feel this way.
A part of that was obviously sin. No matter if we have nothing else, Jesus alone is more than I could ever deserve. I was making an idol out of having a family and was distraught when it had let me down. Jesus’ life and death in my place is more than I could ever deserve and God reveals His ultimate goodness and grace to me by it.
But the really amazing part is that God continues to give us grace upon grace. Unfortunately, our circumstances are no different than last year. We still don’t have children, we’re still waiting in hope that God will grow our family. But God has changed ME. He has brought me from the pit of despair and gave me joy and hope. He has made His love so much sweeter and his goodness and grace so much more palpable to me.
I am really, really, really hoping our circumstances will be different next year. But even if they’re not, I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus will continue changing me. What grace He gives!! I’m praying that Jesus will continue changing you too- to know who He is, to cling tighter to Him and to grow in love, joy and peace. And friend when He does- rejoice!! I pray that this Thanksgiving you can reflect on what Jesus has done in your life and praise Him for it!!