Is it ever fun?
Although there’s a difference between waiting in line for 15 minutes at the grocery store or waiting for years to have a child, waiting is not pleasant. If you’ve read any of my posts on infertility you do know the waiting can be FRUITFUL, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
However, recently I’ve realized one large unintended blessing of our infertility.
When we first started trying for a family we had been married for 1 1/2 years. If we had gotten pregnant right away, we would have had our first child a few months after our 2 year anniversary.
We are now only months away from our 5th anniversary. Recently, Bryan and I were talking about the difference between our marriage now and then; namely what would have changed had we become parents years ago.
Then, we were still trying to figure out what marriage looked like: how to fulfill biblical roles, communicate effectively and love each other deeply. I’m sure those who have been married for 30+ years are laughing that it seems I’m saying we have it figured out. That’s definitely not what I’m communicating as I know we have a long way to go!
But our marriage is exponentially stronger and healthier than it was 5 years ago, and even 3 years ago. By the grace of God, our marriage is a firm foundation built on Christ. Our first year or two we were trying to figure out how to fight well; what it means for Bryan to lead me and lay down his life for me; and for me to submit, serve joyfully and care practically.
Over the past few years, we have continued to mesh even more into our declared oneness. We are a true family – connected physically, emotionally, spiritually and those connections continue to grow more and more.
We’ve been through refining fires – months of barren despair; practicing discernment, leadership and submission; dealing with sin and fighting for one another’s hearts. We’ve also been blessed deeply together – through buying a house, taking many refreshing and life-giving vacations together, working side by side for years, and most recently as Bryan became the lead pastor of The Oaks. We’ve cried together and rejoiced together. By the grace of God we have grown in deep love, affection and continual commitment to one another. The circumstances, emotions and the length of time have changed us for the better – growing closer to Jesus Christ and to one another.
By the grace of God as the Holy Spirit works through our hearts, we have planted deep roots in healthy habits and traditions that though they may adapt, they won’t fall away. We have learned to trust in God’s sovereignty and goodness, even when it seems disappointment is prevailing. And the best part is we’ve walked through it together, hand in hand, our faithfulness to one another growing stronger year by year.
I know some of you were married only a brief time (or not at all!) before you had children and my intent is not for you to feel guilt, regret or disappointment at the timing or state of your marriage when children came. This post is just a reason to rejoice in God blessing us abundantly through the gift of marriage even through dry seasons of barrenness!
“For from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.”