The Unintended Blessings of Waiting


Is it ever fun?

Although there’s a difference between waiting in line for 15 minutes at the grocery store or waiting for years to have a child, waiting is not pleasant. If you’ve read any of my posts on infertility you do know the waiting can be FRUITFUL, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

However, recently I’ve realized one large unintended blessing of our infertility.

When we first started trying for a family we had been married for 1 1/2 years. If we had gotten pregnant right away, we would have had our first child a few months after our 2 year anniversary.

We are now only months away from our 5th anniversary. Recently, Bryan and I were talking about the difference between our marriage now and then; namely what would have changed had we become parents years ago.

Then, we were still trying to figure out what marriage looked like: how to fulfill biblical roles, communicate effectively and love each other deeply. I’m sure those who have been married for 30+ years are laughing that it seems I’m saying we have it figured out. That’s definitely not what I’m communicating as I know we have a long way to go!

But our marriage is exponentially stronger and healthier than it was 5 years ago, and even 3 years ago. By the grace of God, our marriage is a firm foundation built on Christ. Our first year or two we were trying to figure out how to fight well; what it means for Bryan to lead me and lay down his life for me; and for me to submit, serve joyfully and care practically.

Over the past few years, we have continued to mesh even more into our declared oneness. We are a true family – connected physically, emotionally, spiritually and those connections continue to grow more and more.

We’ve been through refining fires – months of barren despair; practicing discernment, leadership and submission; dealing with sin and fighting for one another’s hearts. We’ve also been blessed deeply together – through buying a house, taking many refreshing and life-giving vacations together, working side by side for years, and most recently as Bryan became the lead pastor of The Oaks. We’ve cried together and rejoiced together. By the grace of God we have grown in deep love, affection and continual commitment to one another. The circumstances, emotions and the length of time have changed us for the better – growing closer to Jesus Christ and to one another.

By the grace of God as the Holy Spirit works through our hearts, we have planted deep roots in healthy habits and traditions that though they may adapt, they won’t fall away. We have learned to trust in God’s sovereignty and goodness, even when it seems disappointment is prevailing. And the best part is we’ve walked through it together, hand in hand, our faithfulness to one another growing stronger year by year.

I know some of you were married only a brief time (or not at all!) before you had children and my intent is not for you to feel guilt, regret or disappointment at the timing or state of your marriage when children came. This post is just a reason to rejoice in God blessing us abundantly through the gift of marriage even through dry seasons of barrenness!

“For from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.”

John 1:16


About jackielopina

Follower of Jesus, Pastor's Wife, Cookie Baker.
This entry was posted in Husband, Infertility, Jesus, Marriage, Sanctification and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to The Unintended Blessings of Waiting

  1. Kate Titus says:

    I can relate to this. We haven’t had the same struggles with infertility but we waited almost 6 years to get pregnant, debating back and forth on whether we wanted kids. Sometimes I think we should have started younger, but I can also totally see how our marriage is in a much healthier state now than it was in the beginning and I am thankful that we waited. Like you said, not perfect, but at least we understand better now (I think) about our roles and treating each other with grace. The growth has mostly come since we joined the Oaks. It’s also so exciting for us to see younger couples at the Oaks who are more mature than we were and starting off in a Christ-centered community, something we didn’t have. Love you guys and I pray the new year brings the blessing of family. You will make wonderful parents!!!

  2. Steph says:

    We had Anna just weeks after our five year anniversary and kevin and I had a very similar conversation. The Lord’s timing really is perfect.

  3. Andrea says:

    I love this:) We’re 5 years in and I’m pretty sure on our anniversary and plenty of other times, Alex has said “I’m so thankful we’ve had 5 years to just be the two of us.” It’s been a great season and your post said it best, so much refining, rejoicing, repenting, and living has happened in these past years. So thankful for God’s perfect timing!

  4. So true infertility seems to make or break couples and I am forever grateful that it is pulling us together not pulling us apart x

  5. E says:

    Wow, how beautifully written after such deep thought! We’re right there in the same boat with you, and I know how much we treasure a marriage bonded through trials. We still are thankful for our quiet nights and freedom of leaving on a whim! These are the blessing we need to be reminded of! Happy 5 years to you soon!

    • jackielopina says:

      Thanks so much! I know it can be easy to get so focused on things we DONT have and really want, but it can bring a little light to a dark season remembering the blessings through it. Hoping you (and I!) remember those blessings frequently!

  6. A. W. says:

    Thank you for sharing! I just stumbled across your blog today via Pinterest, and have been very blessed and encouraged by your faith as shown through the posts I’ve read here so far. My husband and I have been married for 15 months now, and have been trying/hoping for children since the honeymoon. So far God’s answer has been “not now”…and yes, it’s been hard, especially as so many friends who got married around the same time or afterwards already are holding their firstborns and flooding Facebook with pictures and updates. I’m “only” 31, but it’s hard not to feel a bit of fear as the months go by and I get older and time grows shorter. Yet my husband and I can also see many blessings God has given us in this “extended honeymoon” season. Our marriage is much stronger now than it was a year ago, and He has been teaching us so much. Thank you for the reminder to keep trusting His heart and thanking Him for His goodness!

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