I realize I may be an unlikely person to talk about singleness. I met my husband in high school and – although he was my first boyfriend at 17 years old, it would be ridiculous for me to say I saw much of the “singleness” stage when I was 15 or 16. It’s a normal season, but for some can last a whole lot longer than they would have liked. I know it can be a difficult struggle for some men and women and if that’s you- I want you to know that I feel for you and think of you often.
And of course, Valentine’s Day was last week which is a hard day for someone already struggling with their single status.
Throughout the past few years, I’ve seen a lot of parallels between singleness and infertility. Three main ones are:
1. Unmet desire
Whether you’re walking through singleness or infertility, you have a strong desire for the next stage of life. You know that marriage and children are a good and godly thing and you desire that! Yet, you don’t have it right now. You’re struggling to hold onto the goodness of God as he is with holding these desires from you.
2. Expecting your life to look different than it does
When you’re struggling through singleness or infertility, you are seeing delay of the dreams you had for your life. You thought you would meet your spouse in college, graduate and get married, and have children a few years later. How perfect! Yet your life hasn’t ended up the way you hoped. You’re trying to cling onto the sovereignty of God through a season that can be filled with difficulty, loneliness and sadness.
3. Lack of control to change circumstances
Isn’t that the worst? There are steps you can take to move closer to your dream, but there is nothing you can do to force this to happen. It can be a temptation to want to change your circumstances, no matter what you have to sacrifice. This reveals when things are an idol in our life, when we’re willing to sin to get them. This could be dating a non Christian or seeking an infertility treatment that you don’t feel is permissible.
I know there are many other seasons filled with unmet desires, circumstances out of our control and waiting. This is challenging advice, but I encourage you not to wish this season away. Sometimes it’s easy to feel like once this happens, then my life will begin. But dear friend – this is the life God has for you right now. He pours out his mercy on us through our struggles, through our suffering.
It’s not easy. In fact it can be pretty terrible. But God is good. He loves us deeply and He is powerful and merciful. Trust him.