(Remember, I wrote this down as it was happening, but am posting it later. The actual date is below.)
Monday, January 23rd 2012
You know you’re infertile… when you know what that means:)
We are currently 5 Days Past a 5 Day Transfer (translation.)
For the first three days or so I was on a emotional and excited high. The transfer itself was beautiful and amazing. It was unreal to see our embryos and I was so, SO thankful our babies were inside of me!!
Yet the past day or so, that’s changed. As we get closer to the day we find out, I’m just getting sad. I’m not really worried or anxious, just fatalistic. I think to myself “We’ve been here before. We’ve had cycles go amazingly well and we’re excited and hopeful… but the end result is always the same.”
I’ve been trying to be hopeful, but with a past 100% failure rate, it’s hard to believe that it will ever happen for us.
So as today… I’m waiting. I’m praising God that TODAY our babies are with us. TODAY I am pregnant and TODAY these sweet babies go with me where ever I go. I’m praying that God will protect the lives of my children and bless us out of his abundant grace. I’m praying that I can remember His character and that even if He doesn’t – He is still good and holy and loving.