I love roller coasters. I grew up going to Kings Island with my family during the summers. In high school I went to Cedar Point and loved it. I’ve gone to Disney world TWICE as an adult… and would go back in a second.
Unfortunately roller coasters in life are NOT as fun.
An article I read discussed grieving through infertility as similar to other losses. However, unlike a loss where the pain is sharp, the circumstances finale, infertility is a roller coaster. One cycle doesn’t work, and so you try something else – you get hopeful and excited that this could finally be the one! Then once again, you get disappointed. Or maybe this is the time where you finally get your positive!! But then your numbers don’t double or there’s no heartbeat and you miscarry. Infertility is a roller coaster of hope and despair. And unfortunately, each new time to try is compounded pain. The disappointment of each time is built off of past disappointments.
Grieving through infertility is not linear. An analogy of barren fields draws a good picture. For a farmer tilling a barren field, I’m sure there are some days where you get used to it, where the lack of food is okay. Then there are days where the hunger pangs make you keel over in pain, where the years of barren fields make you want to give up working anymore.
Infertility can be like that. Even though you never forget, there are some days that are okay, that you’re content with waiting and you realize there has been wisdom in the journey. Then there are days of pain. I hope, if you’ve read any of my posts on infertility you’ve been able to see that. I wish infertility were solely a physical disease- it would be so much easier that way. But the suffering that takes place through infertility is often physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological and relational. The emotional and psychological heartbreak and despair is often more painful than even the physical side effects of certain diseases like PCOS and Endometriosis or side effects from fertility treatments.
But then there’s days of hope. Days of resolve and days of endurance. The longer you go through infertility, the more you get used to the roller coaster. It doesn’t make it easier, but at least you learn what to expect.
To Learn More:
- http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 (About infertility.)
- http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)