10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married

1. Your husband can’t read your mind. My husband knows me better than anyone else, but he still doesn’t know everything I want or need as I need it. Communicate. When you expect him to read your mind, you’re setting both him and you up for failure.

2. Even though you see each other often when you live together, you still need to create time and space to be intentional. It’s actually more difficult for it to happen when you’re both busy with work, school, kids, housework, grocery shopping and cooking dinner. Date nights work for some people, but they aren’t the magic potion. Do whatever you guys can do to connect.

3. You are your husband’s biggest fan. Even if your husband is strong and confident, know that a hurtful word from you can break him. Don’t criticize him. Let your words be seasoned with grace. When you need to confront him about something, check your anger and bring it up to him when you are calm and able to communicate effectively.

4. Along with that, DO NOT talk bad about your husband to other people. Don’t do it. You can share things that are frustrating or impact you with a couple close, safe people, but even there, be very cautious with your words. If you complain openly, it’ll hurt your heart and your husband.

5. Try your best to not compare yourselves with other wives. Unfortunately we all do it. This is neither helpful nor beneficial. It usually just leads to more insecurity. You are your husband’s only wife. You’re not trying to be the best wife in the world, you only need to be the best wife to your husband. 

6. Every marriage and home is different. Being a wife isn’t about cooking and cleaning and baking and being hospitable. Being a wife is about loving Jesus and loving your husband. As long as you prioritize those, there is freedom in the practical things. If your husband loves to cook and you get home from work every day at 6pm – let him cook. Talk it out. Don’t make assumptions and think that you’re not a good wife if you don’t have time to do the laundry.

7. Seek to be a student of your husband. Learn what he loves, what he gets passionate about. Learn what makes him laugh and what upsets him. It’s easy to say you know all those things, but there is always A LOT more to learn.

8. Regularly check in with your husband to see how you’re doing. Ask him how you serve and love him best. And then ask him if there’s anything you can do to love and serve him better. This has been a great exercise for me, especially in seasons of busyness. My husband loves when I cook dinner. He honestly couldn’t care less if the house was clean or there’s piles of laundry – as long as he has something to wear. This has helped me to prioritize my time and energy into things that are valuable to him and our family instead of trying to do it all.

9. Growing together spiritually is hard. It doesn’t have to be something as big as reading your bible together in the mornings and praying for an hour. Just share what you’re learning and struggling with. Maybe read a Psalm and pray over dinner. Seek to be intentional here.

10. You think you and your husband love each other now. Just wait… it gets better every year:)


About jackielopina

Follower of Jesus, Pastor's Wife, Cookie Baker.
This entry was posted in Husband, Marriage and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to 10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married

  1. Lindsay says:

    Wow what good things to remember. Hard things also because if you ask how you can improve you need to improve! Also good to remember not to compare to other women. Each husband holds different things valuable therefore each home will look different…. I love it.

  2. Lauren Dankhoff says:

    Amen, sister :) Good word!

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