I think one of the hardest parts of the adoption process I’m realizing of late is that I have absolutely no control over the timeline of it. We’re a few steps away from being “out there” for birth parents to look at, but it’s getting close.
We could get matched with a birthmom who is still pregnant and have a due date – maybe 2 or 3 months (more or less) down the road. OR we could get a call that a birth mom gave birth and has chosen us and have absolutely no forewarning.
For someone like me who likes to plan things way far in advance, not having a clue on such a life changing event is a little anxiety producing. I noticed I was getting bent out of shape at some other things in my life and I realized subconsciously, I was trying to control little day-to-day things I felt like I could since the big monumental things I knew I couldn’t.
But honestly, it’s just a great reminder to me that I can’t control any of it.
It’s a reminder that I desperately need Jesus. That He is mighty and powerful. Hebrews 1:3 says he “upholds the universe by the word of his power.” He created me. He knows the numbers of hairs on my head and knows how I tick better than anyone else. He cares for me. He will take care of me. He can run my life better than anyone else, especially me.
And He is creating our baby in his or her birth mother’s womb. He is knitting him or her together, lovingly with his sovereign hands. He knows the exact day our baby will be born. He knows the exact day we’ll know about him or her and He knows the exact moment we’ll get to call him or her ours.
I feel like I don’t have control because I’m right. I don’t have control. But I know the One who does. And after everything we’ve been through the past 4 years, He has revealed His love and faithfulness to us over and over again. Through the unknown timing, we can take steps of faith and trust him.