As I blogged about earlier this month, Bryan and I have welcomed a beautiful baby boy into our family. Well a few steps were missing in what happened and I wanted to share my sweet baby’s story- for you, for him and for me.
On Monday February 25th, we were matched with a birth mom. We met the mom, went to the gender ultrasound and found out she was having a boy due April 26th (but delivering about 39 weeks). I went with birth mom to her doctor’s appointments, ultrasounds and non stress tests and got to know her and her friend. She seemed about as sure as a birth mom could be and Bryan and I were so excited to be parents.
I had a family shower and received so much adorable baby boy clothing. I had a work shower and celebrated with coworkers. As I was in the parking lot, all packed up from our work shower, I got a voicemail from our social worker. Something about the tone of her voice made me worry and I called her back right away. I had to leave her a voicemail and I just prayed as I drove home it wouldn’t be bad news. I texted Bryan and he was praying too.
She called me back and got right to the point: “The birth mom changed her mind.”
I was in shock. She seemed so sure! The birth mom gave the social worker no reason or explanation. We were so confused. The tears didn’t start flowing until I hung up the phone… then they began gushing. I wasn’t home yet so I called Bryan right away and sobbed “She changed her mind!” It was only 3 weeks away and we were so sad to be losing who we thought was supposed to be our son. This was Thursday, March 28th- the day before Good Friday.
We just sat on the couch and cried and prayed for a bit. That night was really hard. But it was a different hard than we’ve experienced before. We never for a second wondered if God loves us or was for us. We’ve been through enough suffering (the best on the job training), and we even recently prepared for suffering by my husband preaching through Job. Even though we were so sad and completely confused as to what God was doing, we knew He had a purpose and He loved us. And we knew we’d be okay.
I was supposed to hang out with my friend Missy that night and my husband encouraged me to do it. I’m so glad I did. We just went to Target and went Easter basket shopping… It was so sweet to be with a dear friend who knows me and comforts me well.
I absolutely dreaded the calls I would have to make the next morning. Everyone was SO excited for us and I knew it would be almost as heartbreaking for them as it was for us. I called my parents, weeping. I called friends. We put it on the city for our church to see. We told everyone of our loss and disappointment on Good Friday.
And as you may or may not know, Easter weekend is a TERRIBLE time for a pastor to get bad news. My husband had 2 Good Friday sermons to preach and an Easter one too. And like he says “You can’t just show up at the office and keep your head down.” Needless to say it was a crazy weekend.
On Saturday the weather was beautiful and we went to the zoo. It was so nice to be outside, be together and even continue to dream about the family we would one day have. I began re-orienting my mind to a late summer baby, finishing out my school year and waiting a while again until we got a call.
But thankfully, that wasn’t what God had planned for us. :)
To be continued…