I know I’m supposed to be taking a blog break right now but I can’t NOT post on Mother’s Day. The reason I can’t stay is away is not because I need to wish mothers a wonderful day and tell them how great they are– those things are true, but there are plenty of other placs that will do that! My Mother’s Day post today, like often, is for the broken, the tearful, the hurt.
By the grace of God and the selflessness of his birthparents, I am now the happy mother of our son. But I spent years dreading this holiday for weeks, my empty womb feeling like it was on display for the world to see. My heart would sink, blinking back tears as the cashier at the grocery store would non chalantly say “Happy Mother’s Day!” when I walked out of the store. No, I would think to myself as I tried to catch my breath “it’s not a happy Mother’s Day for me.”
My almost 5 years of infertility, culminating with 2 miscarriages were the reason for my painful Mother’s Days… but what are yours? It could be the similar ache of empty arms and month by month passing with negative pregnancy tests… wondering if you’ll ever hear a sweet baby voice call you ‘mama.’ It could be you felt the joy of your baby coming only to hear she was no longer growing. Or they were born too early – you saw his sweet little face and held his tiny body tight, but living outside the womb was just too much for him and you wept and wept as you said goodbye. Perhaps your child ran away, is estranged or isn’t talking to you and you feel an ache over the relationship that could have been. Maybe your own mother is no longer with us… and every year on Mother’s Day, she’s all you think about. For a mama, it doesn’t matter if she passed when you’re 10 or 60… it will always stay with you. Maybe your mother was neglectful or abusive and Mother’s Day brings about memories of your trauma and at the same time grief over not having a safe, loving bond with your mother. Maybe you’re a birth mom who knows you made the right decision, but that doesn’t make you miss your child any less.
And you know what? Mothering is hard and there are lots of things that can bring pain. Maybe your child has a severe disability. You see other children make their Mother’s Day crafts on Facebook, but look to your child in their wheelchair and know he may not be able to do something like that for years. Perhaps you’re a single mother of 3 and work 2 jobs just to keep afloat, frustrated that your kids’ dad doesn’t help out and sad that you don’t get to spend as much time with your children as you wish you could. Maybe you’re a stay at home mom who feels stuck in the mundane every day and asks “is this all there is?”
There are thousands of other stories like these people are experiencing today. To each and every one of you I say: Jesus is with you. Run to him in your sorrow, your pain, your frustration, your grief. Cry out to Him!
“Cast all of you anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:7
Jesus cares for you. Deeply, abundantly, fully cares for you- every single bit of you. I know suffering can be confusing, even maddening sometimes, “why in the heck could this be happening to me? There’s no way in the world this could make sense!” His ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8.) God sees everything that has happened in the past, the entirety of what is happening at present and every bit that is to come. He is smoothing out and viewing the entire tapestry for his glory and for our joy. We only see a few threads. And in some seasons – perhaps in your life right now – the threads are all black as night. It looks ugly and dark and meaningless to us. But trust the Creator, the Author, the Artist. He is making your darkness into something beautiful.
Related Posts from my Blog:
- My First (Happy) Mother’s Day: 2013
- Another Mother’s Day: 2012
- Mother’s Day For The Rest of Us: 2011
- Mother’s Day: 2010